nocturnal notions of him on my mind

how do you dream? i dream in color and often in the form of a film or scenes that play out and i’m watching yet experiencing each sensation at the same time. does that happen to you?

i can say without a doubt that i have had sexual dreams from a young age. not overtly sexual mind you, at least not until i was in junior high and had experienced my first kiss, but sexual nonetheless. or maybe sensual is more accurate. i remember how my body felt and sensations if not specific details of those dreams.

in high school, especially after losing my virginity to jeff and essentially fucking one another everyday we were with one another for 18-months (my version of heaven) my dreams were explicit, vivid, real. sometimes they “starred” jeff or some other guy that crossed my path in my conscious state but more often it was an unnamed, unidentifiable guy. those dreams were always the ones that made me wake up moist and wishing i could go back to sleep. some of the dreams were recurring, a few details changed here and there but for the most part, the same.

as i have grown older, i was surprised to find that while the repertoire of dreams has changed/grown, the players haven’t. oh no, not that i am still dreaming about jeff, or jim, or jono (and yes i just realized that at one point in my life, though not at the same time (clearly i was still in full on good catholic girl mode), i dated a jeff, then a jim and then a jon. i digress, what i mean is that for the last 30 several years, my dreams and fantasies have starred a nameless, unidentifiable guy. until this past spring. huh.

that said, i have kept a dream journal off and on, sometimes more off and sometimes more on, since high school. i don’t share my dreams or at least i didn’t, again until this past spring. uh oh, i don’t think i like where i am headed with this post…lol. for some reason, along with my decision to finally cross the proverbial line, i have been compelled to capture all of my dreams and even share a few with tom and most recently with my friend rick. when i have shared the few with tom, he knows they are about him or rather star him, i would clean them up, not editorialize but make sure its formatted, readable, easy to follow. rick suggested that i have a separate blog of the dreams and fantasies that i have had since my journey has began….and to post some or all of them as stand alone stories or musings.

i have gone back to the day i met tom and have started to post some of the dreams, and scenarios that i have played out in my head and sometimes in my bed…and leave me wanting for the real thing.