11 comments on “i am the wife. i am the other woman. i am me.

  1. I am also the other woman. lately I’ve been with this man who I’m very sure to be in close with. and to think selfishly that he’s also in close with me. it makes it so hard to let go. I’ve always been the mistress that never asks for anything in return. I’ve always been the mistress that knows her place, knows that it was never going to be because he has someone that he loves the most and that someone wasn’t me. I said to him once that he didn’t love me enough for us to work. and one day he asked me what I would do if I were in his shoes. the choices were: to keep doing what we’re doing and hide it from the world. to be with me openly and only. or to give up to destiny. I was never happier to know I was one of the choices.. being in this position that is truly too good to be true. all this doesn’t change the fact that I’m the other woman..

    • what an honest and very real human way to feel though. and yes, you are right, you and I are both “other women”, but we’re not alone. not justifying where we are at, but trying to understand the journey. thank you for such a personal note and observation. I appreciate it.

  2. I recently went through the same type of betrayal, only my personality did not allow me to stay! I applaud your decision to stay. Just as it takes a strong woman to leave, it takes a strong woman to stay. Don’t let it bruise your self esteem. My experience taught me a lesson that would prove profitable. This is the lesson: Some people are just never truly happy, it’s very much internal. Trust me when I tell you, if you were a skinny woman he’d want a BBW. Some people are never satisfied. It’s just human nature to want what you don’t have. However, this is your marriage and if you have college-age children, there’s no way in hell I would start over! It’s too hard out here alone. You keep your marriage! It’s nobody’s business that he cheated on you or that you’re cheating on him, unless you feel the need to share it. Which I would never divulge that type of information to family and friends. It’ll only make things worse.

    As for you: You go girl! I applaud you for finding yourself some intimacy and some happiness. Everybody deserves to feel desired and wanted! Everybody deserves that touch that makes humans thrive. Kudos on finding a way to get what “YOU” need without demolishing all that you have helped to build!

  3. One thing I’ve learned through my blog is that I am not alone. Wrapped up in this affair, I felt like no one else had ever walked this road before; I take great comfort in knowing that I am not alone. Thank you for your blog!

  4. One thing I have discovered is that there is an ocean of difference between an explanation and an excuse. A lot of people feel that by explaining it, you are attempting to excuse it. In reality, all you’re talking about is an explanation.

    I am frequently in search of an explanation for some things that I do…and often need to talk to others to find that explanation. But, as you say, regardless of the explanation, the choice and the responsibility are ultimately mine.

  5. I hear what you are saying, but unfortunately, no amount of ink justifies having an affair. ESPECIALLY after you experienced it from the other side. You may not be saying that’s what you’re doing — justifying yourself. But that IS how it reads and one of the things that drives Betrayeds crazy. You make a good case for leaving your marriage, but you cannot blame others — not even your husband — for your behavior and decisions. You need to own it. I doubt he would be impressed that you have to have sex with someone else to stay in the marriage. Seriously.

  6. I know all of that all too well. That movie hit me too. The other thing that hit me was Mimi Alfords book, “Once Upon A Secret” on her affair with President Kennedy. A lot of her feelings, I felt. Even when she realized she was waiting around to be his seconds…. GREAT book, fast read, you should pick it up and let me know what you think…

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