…in my tentative steps back into the blogosphere, or even trying to catch up, I found myself going “back” in order to catch up with everyone in chronological order because so much has happened in what felt like a short span of time. Time being relative I suppose, given our ever connected world and just the ever moving forward nature of life in general.
However, it is the heartbreak and determination of a few of you that has kept me from posting. Not intentionally but rather because as I was catching up with your lives, I found myself drawn into a comparison and the ongoing conversation around love. Not just love on one’s self but the journey of everyone seeking what it is they believe they want, what they need, what that looks like and what can they live with, live without. Frankly, the whole gamut. The thing is, love is complicated, messy, and no, you can’t discount chemistry and not just the sexual chemistry but that subtle chemistry that makes spending time with someone else, if even in silence as you share breathing space, fulfilling. Love isn’t timed or even convenient, it happens when one least expects it and rarely when one goes looking for it. But, when it happens it is a gift.
I wouldn’t wish the current sadness and true heartbreak that Ms. M is currently experiencing on anyone. It’s extraordinarily painful and suffocating, even if it is expected. Yet she makes me proud when she shares her vulnerabilities, her quirks and the maddening realities of how she copes or doesn’t for everyone to see. Similarly, Lady Anne and the ongoing journey with Tony and the “what if” detour of Fox has me even more rooted in the Team Tony camp not because he isn’t a total douche but because Anne clearly loves him and has to decide if how he loves, because he does love, is enough. For now.
IHAA has been silent for a while and I worry for him. He knows this and I hope that he can see that the kids are resilient, his heart and his happiness is much more important than that of Divo, with or without Nava. Nava was the catalyst for waking up and knowing without a doubt that deep love is possible, if even if the timing isn’t right.
I ramble on because for all of my time away, the changes that are constant in my career and company right now, the ongoing work in marriage counseling and my own counseling, I know that the rare moments I get. For me. Are moments I need to make the most of.
is me is really me 