you got this! personally, it isn’t about him, it is about the epiphany you had while with him that showed you the road less traveled. the road you that you will travel, successfully. it may not be easy, it’s certainly going to slay you and like the day you had the other day, there will be moments of brilliance before you find your new normal. the new normal of your choosing. the new normal that feels right for you. is right for you.
while i have not been one that follows astrology closely, if at all, i will admit that as an aries, i have found that many of the traits and characteristics attributed to aries are pretty spot on.
but i haven’t been like some of my friends or even colleagues that check their horoscope daily or plan their lives or decisions based on what their horoscope is for a day.
today, this fell upon my dashboard over on tumblr and it made me catch my breath. this is my second bout against cancer, a different cancer than the first time over 20-years ago when i was diagnosed with cervical cancer (rare in that i was only 23 at the time). add in my middle age, the tumultuous medical emergency involving my oldest that we’re still dealing with over 16 months later, my affair with him shedding more light on the aspects of my marriage i had long overlooked, having my youngest on the autism spectrum and a career that is morphing along with the organization i work for has led me to get very introspective as of late. so much so that i for the last few months I’ve wondered if i am no longer passionate about my career. the work, the company. the people. I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t my career choice or even the company that is so much a part of me. I need a change. But where? My personal life? I’m not ready to go there. Our kids are our priority and it would devastate them if I made a change. And no, lest you all think it’s because it would mean the end of him and me, while i admit that weighs on my mind, it is not nor will be the driving force if and when that happens. I am doing the best I can fighting this bout of cancer, I can only control the things I can control; eating right, sleeping, reducing stress. getting things in order just in case and for me, staying busy with my family, my work, my volunteer work and the rare moments with him. my work? ah, perhaps this is where I need to let go, and take that risk at something new or rather a new place, a smaller place where the work i am most passionate about has a chance to make an impact. to have a legacy in the core building of it’s foundation.
ramblings of an over active mind on a Saturday night.
of all of the things that keep me up at night (and believe me when i say there are plenty) the most worrisome, even more so than money & financial concerns, is whether or not my kids will be happy, thriving, kind, thoughtful and contributing adults. especially my youngest as a person living with autism.
i could go on and on about why his future leaves me fearful and determined to be a healthy and active parent for as long as i can be, but i won’t. i don’t need to.
truthfully on some days it’s easier for me to recall “not my proudest moments” LOL
and again, I must be dating myself by repeating myself:
as one that subscribes to the “life is a series of moments” philosophy, there are several moments in time that stand out. personally, professionally, as a parent, a friend etc.
hmm for this post i will go with a professional moment. for context:
the moment?
i couldn’t have been prouder for this person, for being open to work with me when he was so adamant that it would be a waste of time, and for not only doing the work but really weaving it into his daily interactions and communication. it’s moments like these, a simple email that validates my work, that make me proud.
is me is really me 