friends. interesting concept as you get older, in my opinion. then of course, there are frenemies, and don’t tell me you don’t know what i’m talking about. because i have spent most of my life in the company of the male gender, and can attest to being a tomboy well into adulthood, i am much more comfortable socializing, working and sharing with guys. platonically. i’ve always had girlfriends as well but my comfort level and where i felt most like myself was with the guys. and in looking back, my biggest heartache or betrayals were at the hands of women friends. i say this because some of the anonymous comments and messages that have come my way via this blog and frankly, even my tumblr have been the usual hate messages one would expect when you put yourself out there. not just the haters, but those that want to make sure i know that i am a whore, a slut, a cheater, the karma is a bitch, or the “you think you are so different and won’t do it again when you and your long distance guy end things. but you watch, you whores are all the same and you’ll end up stealing one of your friend’s husbands!”-wow, bitter much?!
can i say unequivocally that if and when he and i end i won’t someday seek a relationship out side of my marriage again? no i cannot. what i can say, as i have repeatedly, is that this isn’t a relationship or a situation i entered into lightly. it wasn’t supposed to be a relationship. my heart cannot do this again. i can’t envision it, or imagine it.
as for the comments about being a cheap whore, slut, tramp etc. that probably throws my cleavage about and wear’s high heeled shoes with jeans or go without a bra in flimsy t-shirt. omfg, lol-so, if you haven’t learned anything from reading my posts, or the about me or visiting my tumblr. i am confident i don’t give off a “vibe”. i am your average, under the radar, overweight, middle aged, soccer mom. so much so that i have had men and women alike tell me that it’s so nice they don’t have to compete with me because i am so not a “threat”. my daily uniform, even at work, is typically a pair of chucks, jeans, t-shirt or sweater topped off with a fleece jacket. on wet days i add a north face rain shell.
look, i am not mocking all of you that have sent me numerous messages. i get it. i do. but stand in line because if any of you think i don’t think about the implications of being in love with and sexually involved with another person, let alone a married person, whilst still married, then you would be wrong. do i have guilt about seeking what i am missing? no i don’t. i do have guilt for not feeling guilt but that’s another matter entirely.