I don’t know if it’s because of my reading material lately; blogs, books, magazine articles, what not. but I have been thinking about good-bye a lot. Maybe it’s the cancer talking, I don’t know. I know that when I read fellow bloggers posts’ I am right there with them as they document their feelings; raw and real.
Maybe it’s because our current separation, 17-weeks and counting, was preceded by moments together every 2-weeks over the course of three months. Maybe it’s because, by all accounts; his recounting his history and my overactive mind; while he has had 7 lovers outside of his marrage (i’m #7) they’ve all been relatively “long-term” given the nature/start of the relationship. And I can’t help but wonder if my expiration date is coming soon? I mean, when we started, he was still traveling to my side of the country (ok, ok, to my city) about every 2-months. Then his industry took a bit of a hit and the clients and customers he has out here weren’t needing his attention as much as the clients in the states surrounding his. So how long will I be the “flavor”? How long until our distance and the inconsistent, infrequency of moments in real life isn’t enough?
Just random musings playing about my head…
is me is really me 
I’m new to your blog, so I don’t know the history… but seems to me from what little I’ve read that you deserve more. Don’t you think so?
xx
Man, I know the feeling all too well. You look to books, articles, blogs or something to just see what is out there. It looks grim for us, doesn’t it? I am lover #2, at least that I know of. The other was years ago, and was supposedly only a physical thing.
I’m doing the long distant relationship thing too. That in and of itself is difficult even for couples who live their lives out loud, but when you throw in the secrecy of the affair and limitations that presents, it seems almost impossible. However, here is the silver lining. You have found a way to make it work thus far, so not all is lost or impossible. Hang in there girilie! (hugs)