After meeting the incredible Lady M earlier this year, jeez is it really March already?!, I had decided to try to be more linear in my posting…and then I went to my drafts folder and realized, nope, just can’t do it. It’s not that I have posts in draft mode so I can edit them until they are perfect or ready to go. Instead, I’ve found that some are more like prompts…topics ruminating in my mind. Most are posts that I started and had to save and then didn’t have the privacy needed to complete them.
I found this gem tucked away under musical musings…
Every day, it’s a choice to work on your relationship every day. To pay attention. To care. To ride the tide and decide. We have been in counseling just over a year. It’s hard. It’s not a silver bullet. It’s knowing that we are working to get healthy. Whether or not the end game is remaining married. Or not. We both just know that we don’t want to make the same mistakes in the future.
Last month, a newer friend, asked me why didn’t I just leave. *sigh* no matter what many think. it isn’t that simple. While my marriage is seriously broken, maybe even irrevocably, the decision to end a marriage, or any relationship has many facets to be considered. I am incredibly proud of the posts that Lady M (The Woman Invisible) has posted regarding her divorce and post-divorce issues. Not because they are unexpected but because she acknowledges that she was likely not ready for it on some levels, and still needs to work through her own feelings and reactions in order to get healthy. It takes a lot to admit that, post a decision.
The last few months have been incredibly challenging when it comes to our counseling. We both has past feelings we have buried for so long that working through it is necessary before we can address much of what we have yet to work through. It’s a decision every day to be willing to work through the past to get towards a healthier, if yet uncertain future.
I’ve been on the road since February 10th and originally I intended to stay plugged in. With work, with my blogging, reading blogs and social media in general. And then DH and I had a difficult yet necessary counseling session in the morning, before we all boarded a flight to more tropical climes.
Traveling with children is challenging, yet rewarding. Traveling with a child that has special needs is the same. Ok, maybe a tad more challenging but the rewards are worth it. That said, realizing that I don’t know when or if we will travel as a family again, I made the deliberate decision to unplug, as much as possible and be in each moment. Whether it was as a family or one on one with DH or one of the kids. Frankly, I was exhausted; the new career change has proven to be a much harder ramp than I expected, marriage counseling continues though we seem to be at a stalemate, the oldest is fielding college acceptances and declines left and right, my treatments are starting up again etc. In other words, real life is just that real life.
Plugging back in, completely, has proven to be difficult. The sheer volume that all of us must deal with on a daily basis is staggering. The backlog in my work inbox looks as if I’ve been off-grid for months instead of 2-weeks! Even my wordpress “blogs I follow” list is a bit intimidating. Though I am anxious to catch up with those that I follow regularly-I’ve missed the community.
the last line of the article sums it up nicely. it’s an ongoing journey and as my own son enters full-on puberty, there’s the added complexity of hormone’s and even more societal expectations. And it is exhausting, no matter how diligent, or how much you love your child; and so you find solace in the moments such as the kindness of child who thinks your child’s quirks are just that, quirks. Or the person in the parking lot who doesn’t honk their horn as they wait and wait for your spot as you struggle with your child and getting their backpack in at just the right angle or when said child lays their head on your shoulder at the end of the day and says “love you” before scampering off with the dog towards their room.
Dearest friends, fans, FAMILY!
Please reblog, share, tweet, FB, you name it!
Over the years it has been my freehand spray paint artwork that many of you are accustomed to seeing. There will be more but for now, there is this. My wife and I are working hard on keeping you up to date. We are blown away by the more than 60K followers who show there support to us daily on the blog and other social media platforms!
So, here is a scan of my brain and the Tumor is circled. Its bigger than first thought. On the 9th I have one more MRI w/ spectroscopy to determine the rate of growth and cell types. Then it gets really hairy.
I am doing the best I can to be in good spirits and will continue to strive! It really helps knowing I have touched so many people with my artwork…
I don’t normally do the whole TMI Tuesday thing but for some reason this one made me smile..
1. When did you last give or get flowers?
Yesterday I sent flowers to a good friend who has had a few rough days. My favorite flowers of all time are gerbera daisies; they mean more to me than roses or other “traditional” flowers. Last week, a colleague surprised me with a small bunch as a thank you for helping him with his presentation.
2. When was the last time you had a long passionate kiss? Who did you kiss?
Eighteen days ago…*sigh*
3. You’ve just been given $100 for no reason at all. It is yours to do as you wish. Will you save it or spend it? If spend, what will you buy?
I’d get small Valentine’s Day gifts for the kidlets. It’s a tradition I don’t intend to stop. Nothing big, a large handmade card and something small that each would appreciate.
4. What is your most irritating habit?
Ugh, only one? Overthinking.
5. If you had a day off alone, and could do whatever you wanted, what would you do?
Depends on the day. I’d likely spend it getting a deep tissue massage, then head home and climb into bed to read, doze and blog.
Bonus: Have you ever had sex at work? Where–closet, stairway, office, boardroom, etc.? Do you regret the encounter?
Yes, long before security camera’s were everywhere. When I was still in school, in the mezzanine of one of the main-line stores, underneath a recent delivery of couture wear. Several years later, at the same employer, between two Unix servers in a secure room within the IT department of my former employer. Lastly, a few months before I met DH, on a large 10-top round table in the restaurant where I was working a second job to pay off my student loans. Nope. No regrets.
Okay. Maybe it isn’t a new word for many of you. But for me, it is a word with a lot of meaning. The meaning of which can either inspire a person or paralyze them. Of course, it depends on which aspect of one’s life one is thinking about. It could be many, it can apply to just one segment.
Any time I’d hear about a couple getting a divorce, I always assumed one of them did something bad.
I’d usually suspect the guy. Of cheating. Of hitting. Of being verbally abusive. Of having a problem with gambling or alcohol or child abuse.
But then I got divorced and started talking to lots of other people who are either divorced or in troubled marriages.
And that’s when it became clear that all the common “reasons” for divorce probably don’t cause most of them.
Good people ruin marriage. I don’t mean people, by virtue of being good, ruin marriage. I mean good people with the best intentions ruin marriage. All the time.
They are not bad. They are simply bad at marriage.
About three and a half months ago I wrote a post about the trials and tribulations kidlet #1 and her peers were experiencing being in their last year of school, applying to colleges etc. and how I don’t remember it being as much of a full-time job as it is for kids today. Looking back, I was wrong. It is not only hard. It is a massive pain in the ass.
And then there’s the anxiety that comes with all of it. Seventeen year olds running around, stressed out and figuring out where they are supposed to go in life. They are stretching, feeling their way. In some aspects, incredibly independent and sure-footed and in others, still very much a child. Needing, wanting the reassurances that they took for granted now and again. It’s an interesting time to be a parent. Especially if the very things that make you crazy and ready for them to go off to college, are the same traits you know will help them succeed when they are on their own.
I haven’t written about it a lot on this blog, but kidlet #1 had a life changing medical event occur just over two years ago. I’ve blogged extensively as it was happening but suffice it to say, it’s come with some ongoing challenges that she has to work with and around. She’s also had to readjust how she sees herself and what she judges herself on, her goals and dreams. It’s reflected in the schools she decided to apply to, her determination to complete the process for one of our nations service academy’s, even in the likelihood that she’ll be disqualified due to the medical issues.
Once she received her first college acceptance letter, along with a rather generous scholarship I thought we could take a collective breath. A sigh of relief. As in “yes, see, you are going to college honey.” The key word being thought. I understand that the now 3 schools that have accepted her are not in her top tier, but really, she’s going to be going to school, in the geographic region she wants to, it’s just a matter of which school at this point in time.
DH has tried to temper our ongoing arguments, between kidlet #1 and me, the tension between getting homework completed and prioritizing all of her extra curricular activities. The tension between a hormonal, smart, 17-year old and that of a hormonal, not as smart, 48-year old. Not an easy place to be for DH, at all.
When I met Lady M a few weeks ago, it was because I was in a city with said child for her to be recognized for a national award. Lady M was awesome, asking me if I was proud. Well, yes, of course. But the reality is, as a 17-year old she will be even more insufferable. Ugh! Don’t misunderstand, she is a good, well-rounded kid, growing into a better young adult. But that’s not the 17-year old that DH and live with everyday. We get the 17-year old that is safe in being her unreasonable, teenage self in the safety of her home with her parents and her (poor) younger brother.
One of the parents sent this video around earlier this week and the “reply all” was swift. On one hand we can’t wait until the fall and the next step in their journey and on the other we are coming to grips with the fact that they aren’t so little anymore.
is me is really me 