sleepy saturday morning musing

Posted by ismeisreallyme on 7 June 14
Posted in: affair, cheating, fantasy vs real life, longing, married long distance lovers, missing him. Tagged: , , , . 5 Comments

the medication that i’ve been prescribed between chemo treatments usually leaves me with nausea (though much less than if i didn’t take it) but last night it seemed to bring about dreams that were fueled by memories of me and him. together. in one of those rare moments we’ve had over the course of the last two years.

that first kiss when i realized without a doubt i had not only crossed the line i swore i would never cross, i had pole vaulted over it. or the way the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my nipples went erect when he walked into the conference and i hadn’t even laid eyes on him yet.

or the delicious way his blush reached all the way up to his cerulean blue eyes and my panties went wet. or the raspberries he brought unexpectedly when i was alone in nyc and he found the time to cross the bridge to welcome me to his side of the continent. or meeting at my favorite bistro on the one day our travel schedules aligned whilst we were in france. enjoying a meal before strolling along the city. and the moment at the chalet his past fall, when i had orgasm after orgasm after orgasm and he held me as my body lay spent, trembling from pleasure i had only ever read about in erotic novels.

the way my flesh in his hands responds of their own accord and the way he renders me speechless with the simple flick of his tongue on so many parts of my body. his skin against mine and his weight upon me. the salty taste of his skin or better yet, the taste of myself on his tongue as his mouth recaptures mine.

blank_lovers

dreaming of him leaves me spent and aching for his taste, his touch, his scent, him.

words

Posted by ismeisreallyme on 2 June 14
Posted in: cheating, email exchange, emotional intelligence and relationships, real life. Tagged: , , , . 7 Comments

if you can keep only one memory what would it beI posted this on another blog earlier today, as it struck me how it can apply to so many things in someone’s life or even the various parts of someone’s life. I forget that he occasionally follows that blogger as well…until I see this message in my inbox:

To:

From:

SUBJECT: I have

so many more than one memory of you that I’ll keep forever….Don’t try and limit me.

musing from a memory

Posted by ismeisreallyme on 1 June 14
Posted in: affair, married long distance lovers, mutual admiration society of 2. Tagged: , , , , . 9 Comments

i’m a proud, card carrying pluviophile. always have been. i don’t know if it’s a condition of growing up in the great pacific northwest or if it’s a combination of growing up here and having parents that didn’t restrict activities because of the rain. unless there was lightning strikes, my siblings and i were playing outside. riding bikes in the rain, football, soccer, running-yep all can be done in the rain. gardening, walking to the store, etc. on the flip side, rainy days also equate snuggly blankets, reading for hours on end, taking a nap. And as I got older, I’ve always found rain to be soothing, romantic and reviving as well as the perfect company for those moments when all i want to do is cry.


kiss me in the rain v2

the romantic in me has always stopped at the sight of love in the rain. a pair holding hands and sharing an umbrella, children laughing and splashing in puddles with abandon, a couple sharing a kiss.

when we last met, each of us flying to a city where we are both anonymous in our every day lives, the weather was unusually warm and dry for the time of year. knowing my penchant for the rain, he surprised me while we were sharing a bath and turned on the shower as well and then he kissed me. and kept kissing me. kissing in the rain.

all for one

Posted by ismeisreallyme on 29 May 14
Posted in: real life. Tagged: , . Leave a comment

in the end, so many people from all around the world want to say goodbye to our friend that we’ve now changed from planning a wake to a full on memorial. while it’s the right thing to do, given his position in his church, his company, the community it feels so large and unlike manny that susie and the kids have opted for a small private family and chosen family funeral service this weekend. and the larger memorial will be in mid-june.

the-four-musketeers

i watch in awe and admiration of susie and her strength and compassion for all of those that mourn the loss of her otp. her call, this decision just further solidifies for us, the remaining three, that she was, is and always will be manny’s number one for a reason.

the remaining three – dave, gary and me have spent more time with one another in the last week or so than we have over the course of the last 12-years or so. while the circumstances that have us circling one another’s orbits is beyond tragic, it’s also been a catalyst for conversations long left unfinished and reflections on the impact we have all had on one another over the course of our friendships. yet for all of that, you don’t always know someone as well as you may think. case in point, as we were going through manny’s treasures as susie liked to tease him, we came across an old picture the four of us had taken the first year we all started working together. i had convinced them that going downtown for lunch and posing with santa in the large corner window display of the famous department store would be fun. bitching and moaning the entire way i dragged them into town and placated them as we waited in line with all of the mommies and young children for what seemed like forever. however, the resulting photos were hysterically funny, endearing and blackmail material for many years. so there , in manny’s chest was the most holiday like shot of us and santa. smiling, flushed, young. attached to it was the article manny had written for his alma mater just 5-6 years ago in which he talks about his life since graduation and the most influential people that gifted him with unconditional friendship. what?! he chose us, his comrades in arms over everyone before us and the heady list of dignitaries since us?! really?

one of us asked susie why he didn’t tell us? and she just nodded with this little smile of hers and simply said “because he didn’t want it to go to your heads”. we all burst out laughing before the laughter turned to tears. tears of every emotion possible. laughing and crying susie spoke up again “no. really, how could you guys not know he would have chosen you? as for the article, well you know manny, he was worried it would look as if he was bragging about more press if he forwarded it around.” of course he would, because that was manny.