these last several weeks have been challenging on so many fronts. the least of which is the lack of personal time, especially with the short stint in the hospital, the schedules of the kids and major project work at the office. i haven’t been able to catch up on the blogs i follow and i miss each and every one of you. dh and i continue in marriage counseling with baby steps forward and baby steps back. and him. i miss him. i miss me.
listening to music and pausing when something strikes a chord. too many to post here as i can only access from work at the moment. but someone down the hall was playing this song and i couldn’t resist the indulgence. taking 90-seconds to breathe deeply just for myself.
wishing everyone a fabulous friday
there’s always a light near the end of the tunnel. isn’t there?
“turns out that when you catch a cold and develop laryngitis whilst going through chemotherapy, there’s a likely chance you’ll get really sick. so take care” words the cashier at the local bartell’s said to me…8-days on, no relief and another chemo session in a few days. haven’t been blogging (duh) or reading but will be back and look forward to catching up on all you bloggers i follow. soon.
travel well my friend. for the rest of the month not only are we separated by distance and time zones, the distance is literally half a world away and the time zones increased to a day+
given the way things need to be and the new normal of limited virtual contact, the additional distance and separator of time zones pierces my heart more than ever before. I miss your touch. yes, of course the actual physical touch but more importantly the touch of our conversations and human kindness in the mutual admiration society we have. the voicemails of encouragement before and after a chemo treatment, the funny limerick left in my mailbox or the good night wish sent as a single note in the ether. that’s the touch I miss the most.
that is all.
during counseling today i was stunned into silence when the counselor looked at me, then at darling husband, back at me before turning to face darling husband and said “you can’t fault her for finally choosing herself when she has always put you first. always. her choice, whether right or wrong, was still her choice and you chose to ignore her for so long that to raise an objection now is your issue. not hers. we are here to deal with each of these separately as they impact your relationship. but until you can see, not agree, but see things from her perspective, you won’t move forward.” huh…still processing.
That someone
We all want someone who can satisfy our mind as well as our body. Having either one or the other never works out. You absolutely need to have both to make it work in the long term. Finding that someone is not easy. Maintaining the balance once you have is even more difficult.
You need someone to challenge you mentally. Who understand how your brain and all its quirks work and then helps you to make sure no cobwebs build up. And also to prevent it from exploding at times. Both are equally as important. Not everyone can do that and you can’t expect them to. Only that special person you’re fully in tune with will be able to do it without losing their own mind in the process.
But all that is for nothing if the body is neglected. We need someone with the same hunger for satisfaction. Where boundaries exist only as markers on the way past them and hesitation and reluctance are unknown words. Someone as desperate as us to fulfil their deepest and most hidden lusts. Who will ask what you want and do it with the single purpose of surpassing your expectations. Who is not afraid to demand things from you, knowing you will give your body and soul to provide it for them and more.
That someone is worth searching for, no matter where you have to look. They’re worth waiting for, regardless of how long it takes. And they’re worth fighting for, irrespective of the cuts and bruises you pick up along the way. They’re worth it because they would do the same for you.
Copyright © MyRedBike – Dirty thoughts of a clean mind
interesting and true. at least for my state currently. between chemo treatments, marriage counseling, new treatments for our son with special needs and my connection with “him” limited, job offers and some of the philanthropic work i’m involved with having their annual fundraising events it feels like i’m in the middle of a massive convergence of everything with little time for myself.
just need to take a breath and pause. for a moment. who’s with me?
is me is really me 