thinking of you. missing you. loving you.
will never be mine
continuing on the musical riff of today….i. have. no. words.
beautiful goodbye by richard marx
in the middle of writing three separate posts as follow-up to comments on ms. vincent, thewomaninvisible and foreverdreamingof love’s respective blogs i heard richard marx’s interview on a local radio station out this way and i admit hearing him talk not about his new album but about his process, where he is in his life and decisions he’s made got me thinking. to be clear, the station he was on doesn’t typically play his music and they were smart enough to do their research on him and come away with questions that revealed a lot about what he’s been up to (way more than i ever would have known re: writing, producing, etc.).
curious, i went to listen to some of the songs on his new album and after the first song i bought it outright. i can’t and won’t speak to any one’s personal music choices etc but i will say that it resonates for me. deeply. specifically tracks:
- whatever we started
- beautiful goodbye
i found the official you-tube video for whatever we started.
i looked up and suddenly he was here. right in front of me. in. real. life. and yet again, as my breath caught in my throat and i look into his cerulean blue eyes i found myself at a loss for words.
still. even now. every first time. and when he smiles and the blush reaches his eyes as they darken with lust. my heart beats faster and the moisture pools in my panties.
after we were led to the suite by the proprietor and the door shut behind him. i launched myself at him. standing on my tip toes to wrap my arms around his neck as he leans down and engulfs me in his arms. holding me still against him, knowing that in the moment, right then and there, things would be alright.
and then there was that moment. that nanosecond just before our lips meet. again. for the first time. after months apart. the three thousand + miles that separate us, among other things, fades as his hands; strong, firm yet gentle become urgent against my skin and my body responds without hesitation.
“was our last meeting the beach you were referring to in your recent tumblr post?” he wrote
“no. it was the time before that. in a place we were both anonymous.” I replied
“there are other beaches” he merely taps out
my heart fills and my eyes brim at the light those four words represent. the beacon in the safe harbor.
travel well my friend. for the rest of the month not only are we separated by distance and time zones, the distance is literally half a world away and the time zones increased to a day+
given the way things need to be and the new normal of limited virtual contact, the additional distance and separator of time zones pierces my heart more than ever before. I miss your touch. yes, of course the actual physical touch but more importantly the touch of our conversations and human kindness in the mutual admiration society we have. the voicemails of encouragement before and after a chemo treatment, the funny limerick left in my mailbox or the good night wish sent as a single note in the ether. that’s the touch I miss the most.
We all want someone who can satisfy our mind as well as our body. Having either one or the other never works out. You absolutely need to have both to make it work in the long term. Finding that someone is not easy. Maintaining the balance once you have is even more difficult.
You need someone to challenge you mentally. Who understand how your brain and all its quirks work and then helps you to make sure no cobwebs build up. And also to prevent it from exploding at times. Both are equally as important. Not everyone can do that and you can’t expect them to. Only that special person you’re fully in tune with will be able to do it without losing their own mind in the process.
But all that is for nothing if the body is neglected. We need someone with the same hunger for satisfaction. Where boundaries exist only as markers on the way past them and hesitation and reluctance are unknown words. Someone as desperate as us to fulfil their deepest and most hidden lusts. Who will ask what you want and do it with the single purpose of surpassing your expectations. Who is not afraid to demand things from you, knowing you will give your body and soul to provide it for them and more.
That someone is worth searching for, no matter where you have to look. They’re worth waiting for, regardless of how long it takes. And they’re worth fighting for, irrespective of the cuts and bruises you pick up along the way. They’re worth it because they would do the same for you.
Copyright © MyRedBike – Dirty thoughts of a clean mind
I gather strength from the bloggers I follow here. They are amazing people going through their own journey’s and putting themselves out there for all to see.
Darling husband is understandably angry, and yet, cannot understand my desires, or wants or needs. I am heartbroken. I should be heartbroken at the state of dh and me. But I am not. The hard conversations that we are having are one’s that we should have had years ago. We should have addressed way back then. Instead, I have some residual anger that it took this, my own duplicity, my relationship with “him” to have darling husband take stock. DH wants us to go back to the way it was before him, but how can that be?
He, to be so close to our reunion after 22-weeks and then to turn around and barely make a flight home. To not know if he is going to delve into self-protection mode as I fully expect leaves me saddened. My husband got his “goodbye” and his closure twelve years ago when he ended his affair with “the one that got away”…will I get mine? So many things tumbling about my head. My heart.