but there’s no way to distance yourself from your own heart.”…kristen hannah
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All posts for the month December, 2013
hmm, in no particular order:
- get healthy, not the standard new years resolution of going to the gym, but in the fight whatever this type of cancer is.
- be an even better advocate for my youngest who has special needs. look out stay at home mommies, i may work full-time but i can still and will blow you bitches out of the water if you think i’m going to let your sons continue to pick on, bully and ostracize my son.
- kick ass on a work project that has been laid at my feet. one that no one else wants and doesn’t have executive sponsorship.
- love freely.
- find my way.
the long awaited surgery was yesterday. and now the long wait for results from pathology. it turns out there were 6 masses (I think it’s interesting that they don’t call them tumors but “masses”) instead of 5 and when it was all said and done it was about 10-lbs. pain meds mess me up and let me tell you, the road my mind wanders when I am on pain meds, isn’t always fun but man I feel like I have been hit by a truck. and the bruises that I can see are hideous, seriously. I can’t take the compression suit off until my suture check on Monday afternoon but at this rate, all I want to do is sleep. and read blogs. and tumble. and think of him.
He’s worried about me. Sending me emails, calling when he doesn’t normally, making sure I’m hydrating, resting, eating. Saying he wishes he were here to comfort me and kiss the bruises. No. I’m glad he’s not, because I wouldn’t be able to resist and in no way do I want anyone to see these bruises, or the sutures or me. ugh.
Darling husband is being decent. Pretty much leaving me alone and not complaining too much when I ask for water. He isn’t thrilled that I won’t be back on my feet right away, and may have to handle all of the kids stuff for a few days, but I get that it’s an inconvenience. Ok on meds and clearly I’m rambling something silly.
as it is the holiday season, and truthfully I am unable to pick out my most favorite songs (come on! not only is my musical taste eclectic I am over 40-years old, no way can i pick 5 songs. no way) so my solution is to provide you with my favorite Christmas songs’sh *giggle* and then I realized I can’t even narrow these down. So I won’t. Caveat-yes these are all over the board, literally, but for me, it isn’t the Holidays unless I hear each of these songs at some point. And this list, in no particular order, doesn’t encapsulate all of the holiday music and genres I enjoy 😉
- Christmas Wrapping the Waitresses http://youtu.be/WmzxaBthPK0
- White Christmas as sung by Bing Crosby http://youtu.be/GJSUT8Inl14
- Christmas in the Northwest as sung by Brenda Kunz White http://youtu.be/e9Ze0FEuG4s (what can I say? I’m a born & bred Pacific NW gal)
- I’m Mister Snow Miser/I’m Mister Heat Miser http://youtu.be/a7M9xqsvvh4 (I *still* watch the special every year)
- I’ll be Home for Christmas http://youtu.be/qLuW8joOge4 and Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas http://youtu.be/TPAOBN4Pt-Y as sung by the incomparable Karen Carpenter
- Carol of the Bells as interpreted by the Tran-Siberian Orchestra http://youtu.be/sCabI3MdV9g and the more traditional version as sung by Libera Official http://youtu.be/YVGKfDoANRA
- Silent Night (this version sung by LiberaUSA) http://youtu.be/iAH0qm6OWKk
for grins and giggles and because this is my blog…a few extra’s…
- Christmas as sung by Blues Traveler http://youtu.be/bBGiQBLLuiE
- Ave Maria as sung by Chris Cornell http://youtu.be/pd2emzFAqv8
- Children Go Where I Send Thee as sung by Natalie Merchant http://youtu.be/YMt0wlQOwSw
- Last Christmas as sung by Wham http://youtu.be/E8gmARGvPlI
” just to verbalize what you know & suspect “i love you hun”. have good night. talk soon. bye”
wait! what!?! no you don’t understand, we don’t talk about feelings, especially mine since he knows I am attached to him. emotionally and otherwise. but not once have I ever considered he was attached to me. Ever. because he has always been so upfront that he doesn’t get emotionally attached and that he could just walk away from me if his bride ever got suspicious. I admit I have hoped, I have wished and I have even suspected that he might like me. But to luv me? Well I don’t even know if I can trust what I heard. I want to. Truly I do.
it was just a dream i said to myself. but the tears on my pillow are very real.
of all of the things that keep me up at night (and believe me when i say there are plenty) the most worrisome, even more so than money & financial concerns, is whether or not my kids will be happy, thriving, kind, thoughtful and contributing adults. especially my youngest as a person living with autism.
i could go on and on about why his future leaves me fearful and determined to be a healthy and active parent for as long as i can be, but i won’t. i don’t need to.
truthfully on some days it’s easier for me to recall “not my proudest moments” LOL
and again, I must be dating myself by repeating myself:
as one that subscribes to the “life is a series of moments” philosophy, there are several moments in time that stand out. personally, professionally, as a parent, a friend etc.
hmm for this post i will go with a professional moment. for context:
- i work for a large software company that’s based on the west coast of the united states but certainly has a global presence in some regard. i have my day job, my career and as a subset of that work, sometimes i am asked by other organizations within the company to take on a “client”. an individual that requires coaching and development. if and when i do these things it’s on a volunteer basis, an inexpensive way to provide coaching for an up & coming executive and a development opportunity for someone in my role to “flex” their organizational design and coaching skills.
- 13-months ago i was approached by one of our entertainment divisions to work with one of their senior directors. a person, i would come to find out 6-months later, had already gone through 3 other internal coaches all ending because he refused to work with them after a month or so. why not? i’m a glutton for punishment *and* i love a challenge. and what a challenge it’s been and i completely understand why my colleagues were more than happy to walk away. but i didn’t, mostly because not only do i enjoy a challenge but because i saw in him exactly what his vp was hoping i could flush out.
the moment?
- about 6-weeks ago i unexpectedly received an email from his vp letting me know they were promoting the person i’ve been working with and it’s largely due to the work we’ve been doing together and because of the communication foundation i designed and implemented within his org.
i couldn’t have been prouder for this person, for being open to work with me when he was so adamant that it would be a waste of time, and for not only doing the work but really weaving it into his daily interactions and communication. it’s moments like these, a simple email that validates my work, that make me proud.
is me is really me 