concessions and compromise

Posted by ismeisreallyme on 3 January 14
Posted in: email exchange, emotional intelligence and relationships, happiness, long distance affair, missing him, real life, will never be mine. Tagged: , , , . 3 Comments

while he doesn’t how to find this blog, he does lurk anonymously on my nsfw secret identity tumblr. i’m never sure if he follows everyday or some days but he definitely mentions specific tumbles. being in a long distance relationship is difficult to be sure, though when it is not a “secret” one can call, text or generally reach out to one another whenever they want. not so when it is an affair. ever. but especially during non-work hours or events. weekends, evenings after 5:30, holidays etc. ironically, as much as i long to see him, enjoy a meal with him and be able to reach out and touch his beard-the cadence of long distance works for our mutually, over-scheduled lives. I’ve posted before about his ability to compartmentalize and hyper focus with no communication for days and even weeks at a time was problematic for me. And how my ability to blend and my need for connection on a daily basis made him nervous and our first six months was a lesson in pushing through communication and giving one another space to find a way to meet in the proverbial middle. and what a long way we’ve come…

as i was restricted to limited mobility due to my surgery, i spent a good part of new years eve whiling away on line and napping. i reblogged this picture on tumblr:

new years eve kiss

i knew he was out with his bride and some friends at their local watering hole and with our time difference, the conversation i had with him earlier in the morning would be the last until we returned to work on 1/2. instead, at 10:12pm (pdt) new year’s eve i received this email…

 I Wish….

 I could give you that kiss from 11:59pm to 12:01
xoxo baby

i woke up craving the weight of your body on mine…

Posted by ismeisreallyme on 3 January 14
Posted in: long distance affair, nocturnal notions. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a comment

thinkingofhimquotes (2)on mine. Wet to the touch and not yet wanting to start my day for the dreaming was so, vivid and real…

I dreamt of one of our last showers together… but it started when I returned from my dinner with my friend and I asked you to unzip my dress…do you know I came when I heard your intake of breath when you realized I was wearing a corset and the special skirt you had told me about? oh indeed. While I’m always so wet for you…sitting through dinner with my friend and her friends, and the attention of a large male contingent, my thoughts of you had me squirming in my seat for your hard cock….

and then to arrive back at the hotel only to see you walking towards me at the end of my hallway  as I was about to enter my room sent a new flood of lust through me and I couldn’t wait for your touch. your scent, your taste. Mmm and you didn’t disappoint….you had me soaking in anticipation the moment you unzipped me and when you bent me over the bed and ran your hands down my sides before spanking my ass as you grabbed the laces at the back of the corset….oh my fucking god. A bolt of energy pierced my core and my knees buckled.

And when you pushed me flat onto the bed and commanded I lift my ass up for more I couldn’t get into position fast enough. Hearing your pants drop to your ankles made my nipples twinge as if they were in your mouth….

kissing him

Posted by ismeisreallyme on 1 January 14
Posted in: long distance affair, real life. Tagged: , , . 1 Comment

miss kissing him 2 january 2014

kissing him. i miss the flush of endorphins that run through just before our lips touch. the hewn of his beard on my face. his taste and the way my mouth waters in anticipation and the flare of my nostrils when his scent hits them. i miss being kissed so thoroughly and completely that i lose track of time and i pout when we have to break apart. i miss the way my knees buckle and the strength of his arm holding me up. i miss that sigh when i realize he is really right there, right then, i miss kissing. him.

30-day blogging challenge: day 8 – 5 current goals

Posted by ismeisreallyme on 28 December 13
Posted in: real life. Tagged: . 3 Comments

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hmm, in no particular order:

  • get healthy, not the standard new years resolution of going to the gym, but in the fight whatever this type of cancer is.
  • be an even better advocate for my youngest who has special needs. look out  stay at home mommies, i may work full-time but i can still and will blow you bitches out of the water if you think i’m going to let your sons continue to pick on, bully and ostracize my son.
  • kick ass on a work project that has been laid at my feet. one that no one else wants and doesn’t have executive sponsorship.
  • love freely.
  • find my way.

it’s the day after

Posted by ismeisreallyme on 28 December 13
Posted in: real life. Tagged: , , , , . 1 Comment

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the long awaited surgery was yesterday. and now the long wait for results from pathology. it turns out there were 6 masses (I think it’s interesting that they don’t call them tumors but “masses”) instead of 5 and when it was all said and done it was about 10-lbs. pain meds mess me up and let me tell you, the road my mind wanders when I am on pain meds, isn’t always fun but man I feel like I have been hit by a truck. and the bruises that I can see are hideous, seriously. I can’t take the compression suit off until my suture check on Monday afternoon but at this rate, all I want to do is sleep. and read blogs. and tumble. and think of him.

He’s worried about me. Sending me emails, calling when he doesn’t normally, making sure I’m hydrating, resting, eating. Saying he wishes he were here to comfort me and kiss the bruises. No. I’m glad he’s not, because I wouldn’t be able to resist and in no way do I want anyone to see these bruises, or the sutures or me. ugh.

Darling husband is being decent. Pretty much leaving me alone and not complaining too much when I ask for water. He isn’t thrilled that I won’t be back on my feet right away, and may have to handle all of the kids stuff for a few days, but I get that it’s an inconvenience. Ok on meds and clearly I’m rambling something silly.

30 day blogging challeng: day 7 – 5 favorite songs (fail!)

Posted by ismeisreallyme on 20 December 13
Posted in: real life. Leave a comment

30-day seven

as it is the holiday season, and truthfully I am unable to pick out my most favorite songs (come on! not only is my musical taste eclectic I am over 40-years old, no way can i pick 5 songs. no way) so my solution is to provide you with my favorite Christmas songs’sh *giggle* and then I realized I can’t even narrow these down. So I won’t. Caveat-yes these are all over the board, literally, but for me, it isn’t the Holidays unless I hear each of these songs at some point. And this list, in no particular order, doesn’t encapsulate all of the holiday music and genres I enjoy 😉

for grins and giggles and because this is my blog…a few extra’s…

new message left at 7:51pm

Posted by ismeisreallyme on 19 December 13
Posted in: emotional intelligence and relationships, hello lover, long distance affair, longing, married lovers, real life, right person wrong time, will never be mine. Tagged: , , , . Leave a comment

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” just to verbalize what you know & suspect “i love you hun”. have good night. talk soon. bye”

wait! what!?! no you don’t understand, we don’t talk about feelings, especially mine since he knows I am attached to him. emotionally and otherwise. but not once have I ever considered he was attached to me. Ever. because he has always been so upfront that he doesn’t get emotionally attached and that he could just walk away from me if his bride ever got suspicious. I admit I have hoped, I have wished and I have even suspected that he might like me. But to luv me? Well I don’t even know if I can trust what I heard. I want to. Truly I do.