Hmm, food (condiments, eggs, salad dressings, eggs, cheeses, a lot of different cheeses, hummus, oranges, green grapes, strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, bacon, carrots, snap peas, cucumbers, tomatoes, prepared sugar cookie doug, active greek yogurt, sour cream, etc. ) milk. protein shakes. 3 stella beers (darling husbands), 3 mini-pineapple juice’s (mine), coconut water, 3 diet cheery diet cokes, a bottle of white wine, sliced grilled chicken breast leftover lasagna, 2 gallons of low fat chocolate milk and 4 gallons of non-fat milk (as an Asian kid growing up, my newly immigrated mom didn’t know what milk was and didn’t serve it to my brother and I. but my kids inhale it as if it’s water. 6 gallons of milk a week! fresh, delivered from the local dairy-good lord) open box of baking soda.
real life
All posts tagged real life
oh lordie there are so many. i have been having an ongoing love affair with books since i was a toddler….so i guess if i have to pick one from my childhood i will select the first book i can recollect and the one that I’ve packed and hauled around with me since i first moved out on my own.
goodnight moon….
while he doesn’t how to find this blog, he does lurk anonymously on my nsfw secret identity tumblr. i’m never sure if he follows everyday or some days but he definitely mentions specific tumbles. being in a long distance relationship is difficult to be sure, though when it is not a “secret” one can call, text or generally reach out to one another whenever they want. not so when it is an affair. ever. but especially during non-work hours or events. weekends, evenings after 5:30, holidays etc. ironically, as much as i long to see him, enjoy a meal with him and be able to reach out and touch his beard-the cadence of long distance works for our mutually, over-scheduled lives. I’ve posted before about his ability to compartmentalize and hyper focus with no communication for days and even weeks at a time was problematic for me. And how my ability to blend and my need for connection on a daily basis made him nervous and our first six months was a lesson in pushing through communication and giving one another space to find a way to meet in the proverbial middle. and what a long way we’ve come…
as i was restricted to limited mobility due to my surgery, i spent a good part of new years eve whiling away on line and napping. i reblogged this picture on tumblr:
i knew he was out with his bride and some friends at their local watering hole and with our time difference, the conversation i had with him earlier in the morning would be the last until we returned to work on 1/2. instead, at 10:12pm (pdt) new year’s eve i received this email…
I Wish….
but there’s no way to distance yourself from your own heart.”…kristen hannah

hmm, in no particular order:
- get healthy, not the standard new years resolution of going to the gym, but in the fight whatever this type of cancer is.
- be an even better advocate for my youngest who has special needs. look out stay at home mommies, i may work full-time but i can still and will blow you bitches out of the water if you think i’m going to let your sons continue to pick on, bully and ostracize my son.
- kick ass on a work project that has been laid at my feet. one that no one else wants and doesn’t have executive sponsorship.
- love freely.
- find my way.
the long awaited surgery was yesterday. and now the long wait for results from pathology. it turns out there were 6 masses (I think it’s interesting that they don’t call them tumors but “masses”) instead of 5 and when it was all said and done it was about 10-lbs. pain meds mess me up and let me tell you, the road my mind wanders when I am on pain meds, isn’t always fun but man I feel like I have been hit by a truck. and the bruises that I can see are hideous, seriously. I can’t take the compression suit off until my suture check on Monday afternoon but at this rate, all I want to do is sleep. and read blogs. and tumble. and think of him.
He’s worried about me. Sending me emails, calling when he doesn’t normally, making sure I’m hydrating, resting, eating. Saying he wishes he were here to comfort me and kiss the bruises. No. I’m glad he’s not, because I wouldn’t be able to resist and in no way do I want anyone to see these bruises, or the sutures or me. ugh.
Darling husband is being decent. Pretty much leaving me alone and not complaining too much when I ask for water. He isn’t thrilled that I won’t be back on my feet right away, and may have to handle all of the kids stuff for a few days, but I get that it’s an inconvenience. Ok on meds and clearly I’m rambling something silly.
of all of the things that keep me up at night (and believe me when i say there are plenty) the most worrisome, even more so than money & financial concerns, is whether or not my kids will be happy, thriving, kind, thoughtful and contributing adults. especially my youngest as a person living with autism.
i could go on and on about why his future leaves me fearful and determined to be a healthy and active parent for as long as i can be, but i won’t. i don’t need to.
truthfully on some days it’s easier for me to recall “not my proudest moments” LOL
and again, I must be dating myself by repeating myself:
as one that subscribes to the “life is a series of moments” philosophy, there are several moments in time that stand out. personally, professionally, as a parent, a friend etc.
hmm for this post i will go with a professional moment. for context:
- i work for a large software company that’s based on the west coast of the united states but certainly has a global presence in some regard. i have my day job, my career and as a subset of that work, sometimes i am asked by other organizations within the company to take on a “client”. an individual that requires coaching and development. if and when i do these things it’s on a volunteer basis, an inexpensive way to provide coaching for an up & coming executive and a development opportunity for someone in my role to “flex” their organizational design and coaching skills.
- 13-months ago i was approached by one of our entertainment divisions to work with one of their senior directors. a person, i would come to find out 6-months later, had already gone through 3 other internal coaches all ending because he refused to work with them after a month or so. why not? i’m a glutton for punishment *and* i love a challenge. and what a challenge it’s been and i completely understand why my colleagues were more than happy to walk away. but i didn’t, mostly because not only do i enjoy a challenge but because i saw in him exactly what his vp was hoping i could flush out.
the moment?
- about 6-weeks ago i unexpectedly received an email from his vp letting me know they were promoting the person i’ve been working with and it’s largely due to the work we’ve been doing together and because of the communication foundation i designed and implemented within his org.
i couldn’t have been prouder for this person, for being open to work with me when he was so adamant that it would be a waste of time, and for not only doing the work but really weaving it into his daily interactions and communication. it’s moments like these, a simple email that validates my work, that make me proud.
this question always throws me because i tend to make decisions based on circumstances, information i have and scenarios. my dream job(s) changes based on where i’m at in my life or my interests. certain components don’t change yet the job description might. as long as i’m able to:
- autonomy to come and go given the needs of my family but my son in particular
- have the time to volunteer and give back in a meaningful way
- believe in the goals of the company and or leader of said company
- the freedom to be authentic
- able to laugh and have fun
then i can adapt and be thankful and successful in whatever the job may be.
- i’m a bona fide pluviophile
- i’m on the board of directors for two local youth focused philanthropies
- one of my children has autism and as difficult as it is in all aspects of my life, he is the light of my life
- i’m a voracious reader
- i believe that as a parent my job is to be a parent and not a friend
- in what seems like another life so long ago, i used to work for a professional basketball team within the nba
- i think traveling alone is good for the soul
- i cry every day
- i eat a pint of fresh raspberries every day. every. day.
- giving back to the community in which we live, work and play is tantamount
- i wear my geek girl/fan girl badges with pride
- i miss him. his voice. his touch. his scent. his taste. every day in between the rare moments we get.
- my soul is inexplicably tethered to London
- soccer isn’t just a beautiful game it’s a way of life
- i prefer cold weather to warm weather
- i “fell” into my career 17-years ago and haven’t looked back.
- i’ve never been told “i love you” first
- i have cancer
- i own too many converse chucks and too many black boots
- i’m blessed










